The Slap

♪ ♪ [laughter] ♪ [instrumental music playing] ♪ ♪ [rattling] [drip] ♪ [doorknob rattles] [knocking] [pounding] Guten Morgen!

Guten Morgen!

Guten Morgen!

Aah!

♪ [man in English] Dauphine!

Dauphine!

Dauphine!

-Stop!

-[screams] ♪ [theme music playing] ♪ ♪ [woman straining and struggling] [shushing] Toinette...

Think of your duty to me.

Toinette, your duty to Austria.

To the House of Habsburg.

To the Holy Roman Empire.

And your duty to France.

♪ I look ridiculous.

You look French.

[whispers] French.

[chuckles] [Maria Theresa] I have taken it upon myself to prepare her for Versailles, Count Mercy.

Charlotte was ideal for the position, but she was snapped up by Naples.

[Antoinette] That's right... France has perfected the art of etiquette.

Our curtsies are copied all over the world.

The first one is a simple bow.

The second, is the queen of curtsies.

Lower, lower.

-The head to the side.

-Low?

-[yelps] -[exclaims] As you can see, she has a long way to go.

Versailles is quick to pick up on imperfections.

They have asked us to confirm she's menstruating.

[groans] We have not replied.

And again.

Should we hold her back?

Anti-Austrian elements at Versailles would twist it to their advantage.

We can't let a minor setback stand in the way of Austrian diplomacy.

She is the final piece in the Habsburg-Bourbon puzzle.

-Toinette!

Toinette!

Toinette.

-[giggling] This is Count Mercy.

Our ambassador to France.

Archduchess.

Mercy will be your mentor at Versailles.

Your French master is waiting for you.

Excuse me, Count Mercy.

Duty calls.

She will need all the assistance we can give her.

♪ Is that good enough for Versailles?

[horse snorts] ♪ [whimpering] [horse whinnying] No!

No!

[whimpering] Mama.

Mama.

[crying] ♪ ♪ [horse whinnying] ♪ ♪ [Antoinette laughing] No!

It's enough.

It's goat's cheese, mixed with yogurt.

Your father spreads it on his toast.

[both laugh] He did not.

Use it at night to clean your face.

If I look like this on my wedding night... [laughs] ...will Louis declare his love for me?

[Maria Theresa] Entertain the Dauphin.

Laughter brings joy to a marriage.

[squawking] Should I entertain him in bed?

[snorts and laughs] The marriage bed is the place where husband and wife lie together in the greatest intimacy.

[exhales] Louis will guide you, like your father guided me.

Papa was gentle, but firm.

Ma!

Stop it!

[laughs] Your job is to deliver the heir.

What if I can't?

You will have failed in your duty.

But most of all, you will have failed me.

♪ ♪ Do I look like a French princess?

You will always be an Austrian archduchess.

Who comes first?

Austria or France?

Who do you think?

Won't they hate me for being Austrian?

Let me stay here!

Let me stay.

Please.

Please.

[cries] I can go next year.

Or even the year after.

-You can't stay, Toinette.

-Why?

Why not?

The contract has been signed and sealed.

Please.

Mama, don't.

Don't make me go.

I-- I will write to you.

[whimpering] [door closes] [stomping] You may go now.

Go!

♪ ♪ [instrumental music playing] ♪ [chuckles] ♪ ♪ [guard] All right, stop!

Whoa there, whoa there, okay.

Okay.

Now.

Okay.

Attention!

♪ ♪ [Maria Theresa] The moment you cross the border, you will represent the Habsburg Empire.

♪ Come, Mops.

I'm Madame de Noailles, mistress of your household.

♪ ♪ Curtsy.

♪ ♪ Take the dog.

No.

No, no, no, no, that's my dog.

That's my dog.

-Your dog is not welcome here.

-[yelps] Where are you taking him?

[indistinct shouting] Back to Austria, where it belongs.

-Wait.

-Hold it.

Hold.

[whimpering] Mops.

A French princess does not display her feelings.

[guard] Forward march.

And never cries in publics.

We will be staying overnight at Compiegne.

The royal lodge.

You will be presented to His Majesty, the King.

You will address him as Sire.

And then Louis-Auguste, Heir Apparent.

Following the untimely death of his father.

You will address him as Monsieur.

Louis Stanislas Xavier, Comte de Provence, Heir Presumptive, you will address him as sir.

[guards shouting] Monsieur!

Where is Louis?

-Coming, Sire.

-So is she.

Find him!

Find him!

[guards] Monsieur!

♪ Here you are.

Welcome.

-You curtsy to His Majesty.

-[gasps] Oh, nonsense.

There's no need to stand on ceremony here.

[both laughing] Oh, no, you can save that for Versailles.

It is an honor to make your acquaintance, Monsieur.

Madame.

[Louis XV] Oh, no, no, no.

This is Provence, Louis's brother.

Oh, here he is.

Louis.

Louis.

Here.

What have you caught?

Yes.

[chuckles] Ah.

♪ Oh... Do stop.

Do stop.

You're making our heads spin.

Sorry.

Now, come and meet the family.

Yes.

Come.

My daughters.

Adelaide and Victoire.

Mesdames.

Um, the Duc de Chartres.

I'm a cousin.

What a pleasure.

[chuckles] Ah.

And this is the Princess de Lamballe, an Italian member of our family by marriage.

If it is possible, you are prettier than your picture.

Thank you.

[Louis XV] I'm hungry.

Let's have a little lunch, hmm?

[cutlery clanking] ♪ ♪ [slurping] [laughing] [slurping] [laughing] What are you laughing at?

She is amused by your manners, Madame.

I mean, who wouldn't be?

So just... hmm?

Or perhaps our Orleans cousin here will have to teach us all a lesson in decorum.

I can't wait.

[Provence laughs] [slurping] [Maria Theresa] Entertain the Dauphin.

Laughter brings joy to a marriage.

What is your favorite sport, Monsieur?

[belches] [laughing] ♪ Hold, lads.

You're in demand.

I'm the plat du jour.

[door opens] Please, don't get up.

Have you all been waiting for me?

♪ Now... What time do you call this?

My cabriolet broke down.

What is it with those wheels?

Well, you must have a caleche for the country.

Yes.

[chuckles softly] Who is she?

Who is she?

The countess is here to entertain Papa Roi.

I can do that.

I can be very entertaining.

[laughs] Would you like to feed me, Monsieur?

[crack] Ohh!

Clumsy idiot.

- Speak up.

-Shut up.

-We can't hear you.

-Shut up!

[tsking] Now... [buzzing] [indistinct conversation] Stop!

Stop it.

[shouting indistinctly] [both grunting] Provence cannot forgive his elder brother for stealing his crown.

[Louis] Stop it!

Does he wash?

Louis lives in a world of his own.

How am I supposed to share a bed with a boy who...smells?

He hunts... every morning.

He won't change his routine, not even for you.

But he's a good boy.

Provence is the one with the waspish tongue.

[indistinct conversation] At least he spoke to me.

These two, they... they terrify me.

When I first arrived at Versailles, I could not believe my eyes.

"Lamballe" I said, "Are they the King's daughters, or are they medieval witches?"

[both chuckle] "Will they curtsy or burn me at the stake?"

They don't like me.

They don't like anyone, but they will soon learn to love you.

♪ [chuckles softly] You are adorable.

♪ [horse whinnying] Sweet.

-It's not gonna bite you.

-It might.

-Not gonna bite you.

-Whoa!

[horse whinnying] First impressions?

The little archduchess.

She seemed full of beans, didn't she, eh?

[indistinct shouting] If-- If she were a filly, I'd say she has strong hind legs and--and a frisky tail, but she should have fewer oats in her fodder.

[laughs] [horse whinnies] Short, skinny, flat-chested, flat feet, and she's a "ginga".

I wouldn't say she's that bad.

Did you see that vile Habsburg lower lip?

So common.

She's too dreadful for words.

Dreadful?

-Stop that.

-Stop what?

Being my echo.

[scoffs] Remind me, du Barry, where were you educated?

Was it a slum in Marseille or on the streets of Paris?

[chuckles] Well, it won't be long before she delivers your son.

I'm not ready to be a father.

Ah.

We must get to know our little Dauphine.

Let's keep her in our sights, Provence.

I enjoy target practice.

[imitates gunshot] Ha ha ha!

[Antoinette] Why didn't we go with them?

French protocol.

You must spend your first night at Versailles with Louis... as husband and wife.

I can't imagine... what's going to happen tomorrow.

Don't ask.

Will he try?

Will he try to kiss me?

Get down on your knees and pray that he doesn't.

Do I have to kiss him?

Y-you must know.

You're married.

I'm a widow.

[gasps] Goodnight.

Sweet dreams, sleep well.

We have a full agenda tomorrow.

[sighs] [door opens] [door closes] [grunts] ♪ [creaking] [indistinct thudding] ♪ ♪ Curtsy.

[mimicking Madame Noailles] Curtsy!

♪ [voices whispering faintly] ♪ ♪ [gasps] [breathing heavily] [horse whinnying] [horse whinnying] [sighs] [horse whinnying] [indistinct chattering] [horse nickers] [horse whinnying] [indistinct murmuring] ♪ ♪ [instrumental music playing] ♪ ♪ The Duc de Choiseul.

His Majesty's Prime Minister.

Welcome to Versailles, Dauphine.

Choiseul is the architect of the Austro-French Alliance.

We prefer to call it the Franco-Austrian Alliance.

This is the man who chose you to marry the Dauphin.

Will he speak to me?

I'm certain he will, with your encouragement.

[indistinct murmuring] [Maria Theresa] When you arrive at Versailles, everyone will be staring at you, Toinette.

They won't be looking at your pretty face or your elegant dress.

They will be gazing at the future Queen of France.

Any imperfections will reflect badly on you.

But, of more importance, they will reflect badly on me.

[door closes] [chuckles softly] Oh.

[gasps] [snickers] [Louis XV whispers] Take it very slowly.

I tripped!

So what?

Well, they noticed.

[scoffs] Who cares if they did?

[both chuckle] [Count Mercy] How was the mistress of your household?

She ordered me to curtsy and then she said it again.

Calm down.

And she took my pug at the border!

Why?

He was too Austrian.

I will raise the matter through diplomatic channels.

-Don't tell Mama.

-That won't be necessary.

I--I found... a casket of jewels.

They belonged to Louis' late mother.

They are yours now.

[footsteps approaching] Mm-mmm.

[clock chiming] [sighs] ♪ [door closes] Who lived here?

The Dauphine, Louis' mother.

♪ Is this... Is this the dead Dauphine?

Don't speak about her like that.

Her memory is sacred to everybody who served her.

♪ ♪ [chirping] [guards] Monsieur!

[shushing] Monsieur!

It's time to get ready, Sire.

á*á*á* off!

[shushing gently] [Madame Noailles] The late Dauphine left instructions for your daily routine.

You will rise every morning and say your prayers.

You have 15 minutes to complete your ablutions.

Three minutes with your hairbrush will suffice.

Vanity will not be tolerated at Versailles.

[water splashing] Stop, stop, stop.

Stop!

Chilly enough for you, Monsieur?

You will be dressed in public under strict rules of precedence.

No one can touch the Dauphine other than the mistress of her household, members of the royal family, or a princess of the blood.

Any questions?

Did she leave any instructions for my wedding night?

No.

What is required of me?

God will be your guide.

What has God got to do with it?

She, uh, seems a little underdeveloped to me.

I was fully formed at her age.

[both chuckle] You think, you think she's ready?

-I can prepare her.

-Yeah.

My boy would like that.

Has your boy discovered his á*á*á* ?

He could start by putting his hand down his trousers.

That would be a step in the right direction.

[gasps] Touchy!

You cross my grandson, and you cross me.

♪ [Maria Theresa] When you give birth to the Bourbon heir, you will guarantee peace for our ancient empires.

The fate of millions of people rests on your slim shoulders, Toinette.

Stop!

[orchestral music playing] [church bells tolling] [music continues] ♪ ♪ [breathing heavily] [music continues] ♪ ♪ [shushes] [clang] [crowd gasps] Oopsie.

♪ ♪ Will you have this man to be your husband?

Will you have this man to be your... [clears throat] I-I-I will.

You may kiss the bride.

[bells tolling] [intense music playing] [firecrackers exploding] ♪ ♪ [Chartres] ♪ Put him in bed With the Empress' daughter ♪ ♪ Put him in bed With the Empress' daughter ♪ [all] ♪ Put him in bed With the Empress' daughter ♪ ♪ Early in the morning ♪ ♪ He's gonna reach The Austrian border ♪ ♪ He's gonna reach The Austrian border ♪ ♪ He's gonna reach The Austrian border ♪ ♪ Early in the morning ♪ ♪ Way hay and up he rises ♪ ♪ Way hay and up he rises ♪ ♪ Way hay and up he rises ♪ ♪ Early in the morning ♪ [laughs] [door opens] May I offer you a seat, Countess?

Good work, Noailles.

The only thing that's missing is her wimple.

This is Versailles, Countess, not a brothel.

[sighs] Sit down.

[chuckles softly] [coins jingling] Keep watch over her and report back to me.

Until she produces an heir, we are not home and dry.

Little angel.

Right.

That's better.

What shall I do with these, sir?

Wear them.

These are girls' clothes.

How else are you going to enter her bedchamber unnoticed?

Your name is Julie now.

Tread carefully.

French knives are being sharpened all over the palace.

Yes, sir.

[spits] [Madame Barry] Have you prepped her for tonight?

We assumed the Empress would do that.

Did your mother explain the mechanics?

What goes where, who does what?

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

[Madame Barry] I can teach you... the art of seduction.

Teach me.

Please.

I must do my duty.

Another time, I promise.

I promise.

[men laughing] [Chartres] Oh, it's your big night tonight.

[men laughing] ♪ [indistinct whispers] [indistinct whispers continues] ♪ ♪ [bed creaks] ♪ [footsteps approaching] ♪ ♪ [all laughing] ♪ ♪ [laughter dies down] ♪ ♪ [Louis XV] Enjoy.

♪ [door closes] [clears throat] Monsieur?

Monsieur?

♪ [whimpering] ♪ ♪ [chuckles] [snoring] -[gasps] -[yelps] Hello.

Imbecile!

[shrieks] [gasps] [breathing heavily] ♪ I feel... nothing.

♪ ♪ [in German] Guten Morgen!

-Guten Morgen!

-Guten Morgen.

[shrieks] [quivering] [laughter] [screams] [slap] [in English] You have failed to perform your duty.

The Empress will be informed.

You're in France, Dauphine.

Our rules, our etiquette.

[Maria Theresa] Your duty is to give them an heir and bring stability to our people.

You will be a French princess.

In Versailles, no one is what they seem.

Every slip, every imperfection will be used against you.

The fate of millions of people rests on your slim shoulders, Toinette.

Just do your duty.

You won't let me down.

[Antoinette] What have you done to me, Mama?

[breathing heavily] To order Marie Antoinette on DVD, visit ShopPBS or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS This program is also available on Amazon Prime Video ♪ ♪